The Power of Inquiry

By Lisa Miller

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it can be a powerful parenting tool. When interacting with your kiddos, try to come from a place of inquiry. 

Be a consultant, not a boss. Bosses are, well, bossy (think of your worst supervisor experience). Consultants ask questions, listen, and are non-judgemental. Help your kids flex their metacognitive muscles by asking questions and helping them discover what works for them.

Try to avoid asking questions like: “What were you thinking?!” with an incredulous, blaming tone. We’ve all done this, especially when we’re frustrated. Questions like that make our kids feel defensive and inferior and may cause them to shut down or act out. Rather, try asking with a curious and gentle tone, “How did that go for you?” “What worked for you?” “Is there anything you’d want to do differently?”

Every “mistake” is an opportunity to grow and learn. Try to normalize (maybe even celebrate) making mistakes. Maybe point out your own mistakes and how you learned from them. You could say something like: FAIL equals First Attempt In Learning.

When you’re feeling challenged by your child’s behavior and you find yourself jumping to conclusions, try asking yourself, “Why does their behavior make sense?” 

Are they tired, hungry, or emotional? Did something happen to precede this reaction? Is it their fabulous (ADHD) brain on overload? It’s likely there is a reasonable explanation (reasonable to them, anyway), and talking about it in a calm, inquisitive way can foster understanding, connection, and growth.

Modeling curiosity is modeling metacognition. Helping your child cultivate their metacognitive skills will positively impact their social, emotional, and academic experiences.