“Only Boring People are Bored” and Other Annoying Things Parents Say
By Tatiana Guerreiro Ramos - Classroom Matters Co-Director
“I’m bored.”
“Omg. I’m so boooooorrrrrred.”
“This is so boring.”
If you have kids who can talk, you’ve likely heard at least one of the phrases above, if not all of them. You can probably add some variations on them to this list. So the question isn’t whether your kid has said these things, but rather how you respond when they do.
And if your life is like mine, you find yourself with precious little time to do anything outside of work, parenting, and sleeping. I’m quite lucky if I remember to brush my teeth in the morning. So the notion that there exists something called “boredom” that involves having nothing to do, and a seemingly endless stretch of time in which to do that nothing, feels laughable.
My kids, however, do occasionally find themselves with nothing to do. And as a single mother, trying to do all the things all the time with all the people, I have been making the mistake of allowing screen time in those moments when I need just a little more time to finish up with whatever needs my attention.
Here are some of the problems with that strategy:
It robs our kids of the opportunity to entertain themselves, something which fosters imagination, independence, and out-of-the-box thinking.
It robs us of the chance to connect with our kids in moments when they might be a little vulnerable or open to suggestions - yes, open, as in willing to listen!
It encourages a habit I know I’m trying to get rid of as a nearly-50-year-old - taking out my phone when I could be engaging with the world around me.
In the documentary film “Screenagers,” about, well, screenagers, Sherry Turkle, an MIT professor of psychology, says that boredom leads to “the work of daydreaming.” And daydreaming often leads to deeper thinking, problem-solving, and increased creativity. Science backs this up.
So why would we deprive our kids, or ourselves, of the opportunity to be bored?
Instead of going for the quick-fix, try this next time your kid says the B word:
Spawn: I’m so bored.
You: Oh yay! That warms the cockles of my heart.
Spawn: I don’t think you heard me right. I’M BOOOOORRRRRED.
You: That’s awesome! I’m so jealous you get to have this daydreaming time!
Spawn: I think you need hearing aids.
You: You think I need cheering mates? I didn’t sign up for that this year, sweetie.
Spawn: OMG you’re so annoying!
You: Yes, I am an overachiever in that department. Here’s a timer set to 15 minutes. Come back when it goes off.
Have a timer set and ready to go. This will give your kid a light at the end of the Boredom Tunnel and also start to help them be more aware of the passage of time.
At this point, only the most tenacious kid will have enough patience to continue. Let’s hope that’s not your kid (although persistence should be celebrated in the right situations!).
And remember - the more work you put in on this up front, the more independent and resourceful your kid will be when they’re out in the world later in life. Or even when they’re in the car or waiting in line with you at the supermarket.
So instead of taking out your screens, have some questions or conversation starters ready. We’ve compiled a short list for you.
You just might discover some amazing things about each other.