Love is Always the Answer
by Lisa Miller
Number of times I've let my kid(s) down: dozens.
Number of times I've lost my cool with my kids: too many to count.
Number of times I haven't followed through on what I said I was going to do: hundreds.
Number of times I've felt clueless as a parent: on the daily.
Number of times I've shamed my kid(s): too painful to estimate.
Big sigh.
Parenting is no joke; it's not for the feeble. You have to have thick skin and broad shoulders. And be willing to fail. Over and over again.
And the stakes are high--we play a major role in our children's emotional development, including their future successes and failures. A 2013 study from UCLA found that unconditional love and affection from a parent can make children emotionally happier and less anxious.
Of course, we are not solely responsible for how our kids turn out—there are many external factors, and they play a role too. But, if you are wondering how big of a role we play, just think about the baggage you may still be carrying around from your childhood, and the efforts you've had to make as an adult to lighten your emotional load. Read more about that here.
It’s undeniable that we leave a mark on our kids, for better or for worse. Often both.
In spite of all this, there is one thing we can all do to mitigate our many failures. We can love our children. Fiercely and unconditionally.
This doesn’t mean ignoring boundaries, limits, and guidance. It means dialing in, listening (not just hearing), and connecting regularly.
Tell your kids you love them every day. They don’t have to say it back (in fact, for the first two years of high school my daughter just grunted, or snarled, “I don’t!”). Try ending your texts with an Ily. Kids may respond better to this low-key loving. Whenever possible, give a hug, a kiss, a cuddle, or a hair tousle—whatever they’ll tolerate from you. Affection is one of the ways we show our love.
A child who feels loved will be able to overcome many of life's obstacles. Even the ones placed there by us.
Need more convincing and some strategies? Check out these resources: