I Am Not A Working Mom

by Ivery Abdoul Karim - Classroom Matters Marketing Coordinator

I am not a working mom. 

I am a mother who works. 

It may simply be semantics to some, but the distinction is extremely important to me. If this past pandemic year has taught us nothing else, it is that words matter. Not only that but family matters and intentions matter as well. Work-life balance during the pandemic has had a serious effect on how parents view themselves and their children. Are your kids interfering with your work or is work interfering with your parenting? In a recent article, a woman explained why she is choosing her career over starting a family, and it got me thinking about my own life choices and upbringing. 

My sibling and I were raised by a single parent, and that experience made me realize something: you can have a career and have a family. It may not be seamless, and some things at home might follow you to work or vice versa, but it is possible. Regardless of how crazed she was, our mom made it to all of our major and most of our minor events: sports events, art exhibitions, gymnastics practices, you name it! So when I got married, graduated college, and then had my first child 18 months ago, I considered the direction of my life. How was I going to make it work? My mom did it, but could I? After my postpartum period and staying home for a few months to “test out” being an at-home parent I made my decision - I wanted to have a career and be a present mother. 

In other words, I want to be a mother who works. I want a family. I also want a career. My best effort at maintaining harmony, not balance, is to make it a priority to navigate my day by identifying the most pressing issues. with the most pressing concerns of the day. Does my family need more attention today? Or is this work project due? Sometimes, I have to press pause on parenting (and spousing). Luckily, I have a flexible work situation, so I am able to shift my attention away from it as needed. Still, I have days where I feel so worn down and ask myself if I’m prepared to be a professional and a mother.

Am I making the right choices?

The baby will be fine with one less story today, right?

I hope my team understands if I'm not caught up. . .

Goodness, ANOTHER TANTRUM? How am I ever going to finish this project?

And the list of intrusive, self-doubting thoughts goes on. 

My work gives me a sense of achievement and an identity outside of “mom,” and “wife.” It allows me to be Ivery the Professional. Being a mother has helped me understand what brings me joy and has solidified how important my values are. Being a mother also helps me be more efficient, patient, flexible, and thorough. And all of these things make me better at my job! I believe both of the decisions can be the right ones. All of the roles I have in my life bring me happiness, help drive me, and make me more compassionate.