Offline Learning, Day One

By Tatiana Guerreiro Ramos

They all had age-appropriate tantrums. My oldest, who is 17, looked at me like I had horns growing out of my face - a mixture of disgusted shock, disbelief, and something resembling despair. My middle one, 13, simply refused to acknowledge the New World Order until about two this afternoon. My youngest, 8, had a FULL-BLOWN KNOCKDOWN DRAG OUT tantrum. Like, Exorcist-style screaming rage and everything. It was epic.

I Kept Calm and Carried On.

Because they are not going to win. Not today, spawn, not today.

I contemplated taking laxatives just so I could hide out in the bathroom while they got their feels out. Then I realized it would also mean replacing my wine with water to stave off dehydration. Wine took precedence.

So I braved the wilds of the living room and reminded my offspring that they would need to complete everything on their checklists for today if they wanted to enjoy the privilege of internet access tomorrow.

Guess what?

They connected with their grandparents (still patting myself on the back for that addition to their tasks).

They read for an hour each. No, not the cereal box. Actual books.

They wrote in response to a writing prompt - “What’s the biggest challenge you’ve faced since becoming a teenager” was the one my older two had to answer. I was prepared to read about how their crazy, annoying mother was their biggest challenge. But the thoughtful pieces they wrote actually brought tears to my eyes.

In short, the spawn stepped up. Big time.

And I learned today, too.

Never underestimate the power of threatening to remove internet access.